


Broadcastination

by starkind



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), DC Cinematic Universe, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Radio, Attempt at Humor, Crack Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, I'm Sorry, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mild Language, One Shot, Pointless, Resolved Sexual Tension, Secret Identity Fail, Silly, Something Made Them Do It, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 04:50:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9107386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkind/pseuds/starkind
Summary: Two rivaling radio hosts dissing each other over the line.Needless to say, their taste in music begs to differ.... until they meet in person.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My brain decided to thwart any plans of writing something good. Instead, it came up with the most unrealistic scenario ever. All it took was these two pictures: 
> 
> https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/14/e8/0d/14e80d91edb98aa6ad0cdf89341c1432.jpg (this used to be a different pic, but it's vanished from the interwebs, so here's a substitute)
> 
> http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Htlv_SrUHpI/T2y3yQGcbhI/AAAAAAAAFRc/dcdZZ2IFAhc/s1600/1226804162_06f7682e_1_.jpg 
> 
> ... and boom, this was born. I realize it does not make much sense at all, which is why it's appropriate to be posted at the end of this year. Ahem. What else? Credit to Google and YouTube for helping me find 'appropriate' songs. See notes below for a complete list. Oh, and one misplaced quote from the movie 'American Psycho' wrestled its way into this one as well - can it get any weirder? Unlikely.
> 
> NB: The views and opinions on music expressed in this fic do not necessarily represent the views of the author (author's own taste in music is highly debatable anyhow)

_“... and that's the temperatures for today in Malibu. Man, what a day to be alive. So all of you out there, be glad you're not living in that miserable drizzle hole on the east coast called Gotham City. I'm your man Tony, here for you with 'Stark Raving Mad' each morning from 9 – 10 AM, live on RJDJ radio. Your number one source for best music in town!”_

  
_~~_

_  
“Life is too short to listen to those broadcastocrats and their lame run-of-the-mill songs. My name is Bruce Wayne, and I'm here to get you through The Dark Night on WGCK radio. 1 hour without so much of superfluous talk, but some great classic rock instead.”_

  
_~~_

  
_“You know that feeling when your large radio station absolutely beats the shit out of the other puny little stations in the market, comparable to fucking them in the face? That's what we're here for, at RJDJ radio. Tony Stark, over and out.”_

  
_~~_

  
_“Sometimes, you just have to say ‘tragic’ and move on. Stay classy, Gotham City. This is Bruce Wayne, your Dark Knight, for WGCK radio.”_

 __  
~~  
  


_“This is Tony Stark, your one and only true shock jock on RJDJ radio. And with a very warm greeting over to WGCK radio, here's a song especially for you: C/A/T - 'Music To Piss You Off'.”_

_~~_

  
_“All of you out there who may not be able to get some sleep – here's the very Mister Dylan with his song that made me think of a certain guy over at RJDJ: Enjoy the 8:50 version of 'Idiot Wind'.”_

  
~~

_“Ahh, good morning my lovelies. If you're like me and think sleep is for losers, then gulp down your current cuppa joes and enjoy the day with one of my, I'd say, personal hymns from Steel Panther 'The Burden of being Wonderful'. I'm talking to you, Gotham. No winds blowing in this studio, but we've got some spleeeeeeeeeeendid sunshine!”_

_  
~~_

  
_“In terms of exaggerated expectations, here's what Tony Stark probably discovered, once he looked into the mirror this morning. Get ready for Steven Tyler and Aerosmith's 'Dude looks like a Lady'.”_

  
~~

_  
“Some say the best part of being a radio host is hearing yourself talk the whole time. Wrong! The best part is finding just the right song for the right person at the right time. So here's 'Gives you hell' by The All-American Rejects, especially for those who have an unfulfilled job – even if it's not 9 – 5, but rather working the wire when no one wants to listen – right, Brucie Wayne @ WGCK?”_

_*sound of a bomb exploding*_

  
~~

  
_“Radio is for listening to music, not to obnoxious braggarts. The Ramones have realized there's too many Tony Starks running out and about, and so they dedicated their next song to them: Here's 'Loudmouth'. Enjoy.”_

_~~_

  
_“Well, well, well – I think we haven't had some good old Green Day over the speakers lately. And what better song to pick than the one that should have been named the WGCK Dark Night Special – Here's 'F.O.D.' for all of you, but especially for my amigo down in the Narrows! Keep your head above the trashcans, pal!”_

  
~~

_  
“As a proud Gothamite, it pains me to think I have to breathe the same air as this airhead on RJDJ radio. What better song to pick than Green Day's 'American Idiot' to mourn the general loss of IQ?”_

  
_~~_

_  
“No, fellas, I'm not sick, but there's one person that makes me sick -you know who you are, Gotham- and he's got me bursting out my old Eminem tapes... here's 'Puke'. Don't forget your barf bags!”_

_*sound of a toilet flushing*_

  
_~~_  


_“Some songs are just timeless. Take The Eagles and their 'Get Over It' for example. A song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should. Especially people like Tony Stark, who make everything about them, always. No one cares about your pathetic little, late puberty stunts. Grow up and grow some sense in good music.”_

  
_~~_  


_“So much for playing nice. Before we go over to the weather and the shitty traffic situation on LA's streets this morning, I want you to listen real good, Bruce Wayne @ WGCK – this next song is only for you! Bet you never even heard about 'Y'all Wanna Single (Say F*** That)' by Korn. Educate yourself, man.”_

  
_~~_

_  
“Watch out for radar traps along Bay Side and West Village – some expensive pictures to be taken there. And now, on to my very special song of the night, which has become a ritual in the past few weeks. Those of you who listen in regularly know about the biggest dimwit in the country, and the fact that he is sitting behind a mic makes me wish a chimpanzee could take over his job because that is all there is to Tony Stark @ RJDJ radio._

_Tonight's song is the greatest embodiment of everything that is wrong with that guy from LA: Here is 'Everything About You' – Ugly Kid Joe.”_

  
_~~_  


_“Okay, fella, now you went and pissed me off for good. Imma come find you, assclown. Find you and tell you just how much you suck, because I can't do that on the wire, sadly. But that's a promise!”_  


_~~_

_  
“I'm looking forward to witnessing Tony Stark trying to find his way around our city, don't you, fellow Gothamites? Provided he can even find the way out of his own studio.”_

  
_~~_

 

WGCK was a considerably tiny station sitting just outside of Gotham, in an area called the Palisades. Slamming the glass door open with force, Tony did not have to search long. A lone man sat behind the glass front of his studio, wearing headphones and a bit of a scruffy beard on chin and cheeks. Tony slowed his steps and watched him take off his headphones with an irritated look.  
  
When he stood up and walked over into his direction, Tony could not help but stare. Bruce Wayne was considerably taller than him, moreover broad-shouldered, muscled, and blessed with such with chiseled facial features it almost made Stark's eyes water. After a couple of minutes, Tony found his voice again. “Fuck no, why do you have to be hot? Aren't all radio hosts too ugly for the screen or somethin?”  
  
Wayne's mouth curled with sarcastic glee. “Maybe in your case.” At that, Tony barked out a laugh. “Your rude ways don't work when you're standing there looking at me like I'm fine as fuck, sugar, just sayin.” Wayne pursed his lips and tilted his head back, watching him through narrowed eyes. “Am I now.” His eyebrows rose so quick that Tony almost missed it.  
  
He gave a lopsided smirk in return and flickered the tip of his tongue into the corner of his mouth.

  
“Soo... is there, like, a Mrs. Wayne?”

“No.”

“Ho-hum.”

  
They fucked right there, pants down to their ankles, with Tony bent over the digital audio console.

  
~~

_“Yeah, you guys – the world works in mysterious ways sometimes. I have a lot of emails here asking me what the heck is up with those mushy-gushy songs lately... sorry fellas, what can I say? Your Tony Tonester is in a mood. And because I am, here's another one for my hun-bun - 'I'll Call Before I Come' by OutKast. I mean it. Promise.”_

  
_*blowing kisses sound*_

_~~_

  
_For when the nights get too lonely, I have just the right advice for you listeners out there. Here's The Cramps with 'Bend Over, I'll Drive'.” And to anyone... feeling inspired – I mean it, too. Bruce Wayne, here for you on WGCK radio. When the nights are dark, we got your back."_

 

**The END**

**Author's Note:**

> All credits go to the respective singer/song writers:
> 
> Tony's picks: 
> 
> '[We Make] Music To Piss You Off' - C/A/T  
> 'The Burden of being Wonderful' - Steel Panther  
> 'Gives you hell' - The All-American Rejects  
> 'F.O.D.' - Green Day  
> 'Puke' - Eminem  
> 'Y'all Wanna Single (Say F*** That)' - Korn  
> 'I'll Call Before I Come' - OutKast
> 
> Bruce's picks:
> 
> 'Idiot Wind' - Bob Dylan  
> 'Dude looks like a Lady' - Aerosmith  
> 'Loudmouth' - Ramones  
> 'American Idiot' - Green Day  
> 'Get Over It' - Eagles  
> 'Everything About You' – Ugly Kid Joe  
> 'Bend Over, I'll Drive' - The Cramps

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Broadcastination](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10518069) by [blackglass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackglass/pseuds/blackglass), [Readbyanalise010](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readbyanalise010/pseuds/Readbyanalise010), [themusecalliope](https://archiveofourown.org/users/themusecalliope/pseuds/themusecalliope)




End file.
